piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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