somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
