i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
