Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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