i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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