I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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