MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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