since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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