I've blown a few things in my day
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
