either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
