omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
