I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
