I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
