i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
