i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
