I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize