sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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