Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
