i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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