dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
