News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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