He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize