And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
