where am i from again
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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