She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
