it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
