my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize