I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Drunk is a universal language darling
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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