My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
is wine microwaveable?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Randomize
