How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
