I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
