is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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