Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
