Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
