the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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