i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
