I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
