I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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