So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
