i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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