ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
