So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize