I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
