Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
