I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
