I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
