She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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