is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
