just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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