i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She told me I should be a condom model.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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