I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
