Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
