We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
