Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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