if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
