I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
