He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
