So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
