I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
