Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He has the fingertips of a God
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
