we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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