I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
