Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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