Already got asked if we're dating
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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