There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize