the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
