my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
