There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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