there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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