i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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