I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
