I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
