No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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