I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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