I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
