you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
